Sensers are different from Shapers and Sources in the way they need to be treated when they are feeling too much. If you do or say the wrong thing, you may well be making it worse for them ... but it's really tricky to recognise when a Senser is overwhelmed. Here's a brief guide to handle the Senser people in your life.
When a Senser (child) is overwhelmed, it means there are too many feelings, too many sensations, and they are having trouble processing. Some of the things you may want to do instinctively, can actually be harmful to them and get the opposite effect of what you intend.
Senser States
It can be difficult to recognise an overwhelmed Senser. There are different states of handling-feelings that a Senser may be in, and they often look very similar if you are not paying attention.
A Senser who is feeling well within their parameters, is relaxed and breathing, and can communicate easily and well.
A Senser who is feeling a lot, may well be crying, but they'll be relaxed while they do it. Just leave them alone, there's no problem here.
A Senser who is whining, may also be crying, but they'll be tense while they're at it, and "over-act" or talk, to make sure you notice how hard it is. If they're talking and being showy, they're not really overwhelmed.
A Senser who is refusing to feel, is generally not breathing, and is tense. Their shoulders come up, their hands get tense. They are trying to stop energy from moving and ignore the feelings. This isn't a sustainable strategy, and is going to lead to an overwhelmed Senser eventually, because feelings pile up without being processed.
A Senser who is overwhelmed, will start to panic inside. They are "full". There's nothing left for talking, doing, socialising, thinking, in a reasonable way, and so they tend to be clumsy and distracted at whatever they're doing. They seem, and sound, shaky, and tend to avoid (eye) contact. They often get quiet and respond negatively if you try to engage them. This is a defense mechanism. Think of a cornered rabbit.
Common mistakes
Here are some common mistakes when handling overwhelmed Sensers:
TOUCH - Touching a Senser makes them feel more. Specifically, more of your stuff. They are already feeling too much. If you start touching them, grabbing them, poking them, hugging them, tickling them, really any physical contact ... you end up creating more chaos for them and making it more difficult for them to process and come back to stable.
PROXIMITY - Your energy does not stop at your skin. Neither does theirs. When you are very close by, they are still going to feel all your stuff, all your noise, your feelings, your worry. As a rule of thumb, keep a meter distance. If you're not sure, keep two.
TALKING - When you are talking at them, you are distracting them from feeling. An overwhelmed Senser is already low on processing power, don't make them use that processing power for listening to you, or talking at you. They need their processing power for feeling.
DOING - Distracting an overwhelmed Senser, or allowing them to distract themselves, takes them further away from their feelings and just makes the problem bigger. If they are fiddling with things, get them to stop. Don't give them games, put them in front of the TV or a computer, or try to play with them until they are stable.
NOISE - If there is a TV or radio on nearby, turn it off. If the room is full of talking people, get the overwhelmed Senser to a quiet room. A bathroom can be enough already.
How to help
An overwhelmed Senser needs space. They need to feel the feelings that are overwhelming them, and until they do, you can consider them non-functional for anything else - much like a computer running on 100% CPU. This is not a problem that's going to fix itself, it takes active processing (i.e. feeling), and the Senser themselves is the only person who can do it.
Ground, Centre, Breathe (GCB) is an awesome tool for that. If they can handle it, encourage them to simply GCB and feel until they can be in their centre and feel stable and can smile easy. Sometimes, it's too much to ask to GCB and feel. If that's the case, you've got to do them in the right order.
If all else fails: Just breathe. Deep breaths. If they're not breathing, they're not feeling. Breathing circulates more energy, which will make the feelings easier to notice and process.
When they can: Breathe and feel. It's only by feeling that a Senser can bring back the overwhelm. Breathing and feeling gets them started on processing.
Up next: Add Center. The overwhelming feelings are strongest in the centre. Guiding them back there lets them process the messiest things and get more stable.
Finally: Add Ground, so they have Ground, Centre, Breathe, and feel. This helps them to let the excess noise go.
This method, if you're guiding them appropriately, can get an ovewhelmed Senser (child) back to stable in 3-5 minutes. They will want to quit and go do something else after a minute. That means they're not done. When they're relaxed, and breathing, and feeling on their own, they're probably ok again.
At this point, consider putting some fruit or fruit juice in the proximity to get their blood sugars back up, they used more than they realise and are probably going to need it. Don't be offended if they ignore it. They'll get it when they're ready, or find their own snack.
